@shutupmikeginn: Things were going well with my date, until she noticed my Roomba was a Frisbee glued to a bunch of rats
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@XAIMMadellynne: Was looking at smoking pipes on Amazon & realized that CW could look at my history.So,I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
@huntigula: Guy: Why does everyone call you "Gross Gary"? Gary: [filling a canteen with hotdog water] Nobody calls me that.