@shutupmikeginn: Things were going well with my date, until she noticed my Roomba was a Frisbee glued to a bunch of rats
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@UncleDuke1969: “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman!” “Nope.” “A spider? An aardvark?” “Wrong. It’s a horse.” “Wow. You can’t draw for shit.”
@hipchkk: You know how moray eels can't let go when they bite, and both sets of jaws must be pried off even after they're dead? Don't touch my fries.
@SteveSuckington: "I'm just gonna pull on weird animal parts until something comes out that I can drink" -guy who discovered milk