@thisislizz: Things would be so much simpler if everything was as easy as your mom.
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@briangaar: ELMO WANT BIG HUG!!! ELMO WANT KIDS TO KNOW THAT JET FUEL COULDN'T POSSIBLY MELT STRUCTURAL STEEL
@JCautomatic: [Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist
@Token_Geezer: Yeah, but I thought the whole point of twitter was to be stalked.nnThe word 'follower' should be evidence of that
@QwertyJones3: Me: You bought 6 bottles of carpet cleaning solution? Wife: Yes. Me: We have hard wood floors. Wife: I had a coupon that was expiring today!