@_youhadonejob1: Think I'll pass.
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@AHundredElbows: Border Patrol never did chase down that illegal baby food smuggler from Mexico. I heard he was so fast they nicknamed him Formula Juan.
@thejoelstein: 4-yr-old son gave smartest answer ever to "How do you know if something is art?" "People tell you."
@SarahFemme: I hope at my funeral someone has the foresight to bring a Ouija board so I can live tweet Hell.