@weismanjake: Think of how horrible Ray Rice and the NFL had to act in order to make TMZ seem like brave investigative reporters
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@jonnysun: FRIENDS reunion (2016) RACHEL: [texting from bar] sry smthg came up CHANDLER: [texting from home] same… work JOEY: [in LA] wait THIS friday?
@ericonederful: I was on a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love.
@Tmoney68: George H.W. Bush, age 90, went skydiving yesterday. I'm 45 & I strained my hamstring getting out of my car.
@FlashyPenguin: [on death row] "what would you like for your last meal?" "A McRib" "McRib doesnt come back for 6 more mont...oooh well played!"