@simoncholland: Think you're smart? Try explaining daylight savings time to a kid.
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@OBiiieeee: i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl's keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing
@UNTRESOR: Doctors just told me I have "stripper lung" from inhaling too much brass polish & if I go back to "JIGGLERS" again I'll die.
@LackOfShame: Her: Let's just drop it. Me: Fine. Her: Me: Her: I just find it funny how... Me: *opens car door and shoulder rolls out into traffic*
@Dawn_M_: Trees put cats in their hair so they can flirt with firefighters when they climb up them.