@Parker_Simpson: Thinking ab including nude photos of me in my Tinder profile to weed out women who vomit easily
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@thenatewolf: *holding my crying child* Me: I know, earthquakes are scary. So maybe next time you'll be good and I won't have to make that happen again.
@RoosterMustache: ME: snakes are mean TEACHER: right ME: but it's not their fault. They have 2 ends & no legs TEACHER: ok ME: so the ends justify the mean