@skepti_ghoul: Thinking about going to 50 Shades and eating loudly the whole time.
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@TheBoydP: [two coworkers walk into my office] Coworkers: Hey! It's your two favorite people here to ask you a question! Me: Where?
@PMTheron1: There was a praying mantis in my room so I stealthily grabbed a shoe and smashed my 2nd-story window and jumped out.
@SteveDutzy: FUN PRANK: Bump into Kanye in public, pretend you don't recognize him, and say "EXCUSE ME ORDINARY CITIZEN" Then watch how mad he gets.
@Book_Krazy: *In church 9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing... Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep 9: oh