@GaryJanetti: Thinking of adopting a child. What color should I get? Keep in mind my walls are eggshell and cinnamon.
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@LeviathanPride: Hurricanes, famine, disease, war crimes, child molestation, political corruption. And Jesus appears to mankind on a slice of toast.
@KrunkedRobot: Got drunk and did my taxes, i am getting back 1 zillion dollars, 2 slaves, and somehow the state of Rhode Island, this can't be right.
@joshgondelman: Someone wished me a Happy Independence Day and I told him this is America, and we say Merry Christmas here, buddy.
@better_off_dad: It took me 9 self inflicted ER visits, but that nurse finally realized it was love at first sight.