@rickygervais: Thinking that you're on speaking terms with God is like finding out you've been playing both parts in an episode of "Catfish"
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@SomthinBoutSara: Just watched a guy in a shirt that read "Jedi I am" trip on a curb and fall. Jedi you are not sir
@Inferno_V: 6: Mommy where are you putting your cameltoe this year? Me: 6: I like it Me: It's mistletoe son
@knot_eye: Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?
@killazilla: My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can't stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot.