@rickygervais: Thinking that you're on speaking terms with God is like finding out you've been playing both parts in an episode of "Catfish"
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@realHamOnWry: In recent years the number of UFO sightings has dropped because of the smart phone. Their users never look up.
@tastefactory: Prisoner:*strapped into chair* Flip the switch & fry me. Guard: Oh, we're not electrocuting you... *college kid w/ acoustic guitar walks in*