@SchooIAnswer: THIS 😂
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@TwinSurvivalist: Home Alone is my favorite movie about the inevitable homicidal tendencies that come from prolonged neglect.
@Gentlemenhood: Did you know when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and punch them in the face.
@TheToddWilliams: [desert island diary - day 1] 4:15 pm: Got one call out of my cell phone before it died. Now I wait. 5:25 pm: That pizza is definitely free
@SortaBad: Fellow Black Friday shopper: I'm so excited! What are you trying to buy? Me: oh I can't afford anything, I'm hoping to be trampled to death