@SchooIAnswer: THIS 😂
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@JohnLyonTweets: My sports-obsessed ex-wife didn't ask me for a divorce. She told me she was trading me for a player to be named later.
@AllTheUglyTruth: Made the decision that I'm done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
@longwall26: I scream. You scream. We all scream. We're being chased by bears. Life is a nightmare.