@Lakeoconeebldr: This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone.
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@theames: Whenever people announce "I'm marrying my best friend" for a second I always think "oh shit what about your boyfriend, he seemed so nice".
@stanleybehrman: If she boasts how adult coloring is therapeutic and has made her more tolerant and patient Hide her markers And wait...
@joejwest: I'm going to freeze some of my sperm so that if something goes wrong later in life, I can kill my nemesis with a disgusting icicle.
@wolfpupy: i argued with the parrot at the pet store until it got sold away and the guy who bought it wouldnt let me in his car. that means i won