@Lakeoconeebldr: This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone.
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@ChickenFrecklez: Rude coworker said something very dumb & mean to me. She blamed it on pregnancy brain. I asked her if she was having triplets.
@CVTBaby: Dating tip: Don't offer to pay. It's a sign of weakness. Build trust through mutual agreement to steal. No one suspects the "happy couple."
@AristotlesNZ: Boss: "Thanks for making me my coffee. You know what'd go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a nice..Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"