@redherringbear: This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
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@CantWaitToNap: Against the wall, on the floor and bent over the couch are my favorite places to stretch.
@PaulFrei: I would never have a swear jar as 1. It would suggest that I regret swearing and 2. Imply that I have spare change.
@Crunk_Jews: [first date] Her: I like a guy who gets a little nasty Me: [puts hand sanitizer away] I used a gas station bathroom once