@IvyelleWright: This bank pen tastes like it's been in a lot of other people's mouths
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@CrackYouWhip: I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.
@Book_Krazy: Turtle 911: Whats ur emergency? Turtle: MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DISAPPEARED! 911: Have u tried looking in her house? Turtle: oops never mind.
@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there