@msmollybee25: This bartender doesn't know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
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@Laser_Cat: In space, no one can hear you scream. Because it's space, and everyone is on the ground. What are you even doing up there?
@Ideal_Victoria: I really hope that people are staring at me because they think I'm pretty and not because I slipped on ice and into a parked car.
@XplodingUnicorn: When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?" When I do her hair: "How about a hat?"
@TinaMav: I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mother's room. I can't believe it... she's a superhero!