@msmollybee25: This bartender doesn't know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
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@TheRolo: Jesus: Welcome to my summer party [Jesus puts finger in the pool and turns it into wine] Apostles: awwww YEAHHHH Judas: Merlot? Seriously???
@abbycohenwl: My retirement plan is to buy several red polo shirts & anytime I need anything, go steal it from Target
@GabbbarSingh: People with Swiss bank accounts are often confused between their Bank balance and the Back Account number.
@_RealBlondeGirl: I hate it when candidates put signs on your lawn without even asking your permission. Who the hell is 'Foreclosure'?