@TheTalkingPipe: This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Lisa_Laughs_: In order to prepare for the future, I'm going to practice wearing adult diapers. But only when I'm drinking.
@Cheeseboy22: "It's cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I'm so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don't have to go to Facebook today. You're welcome.
@joe_binkley: Me: This is a picture of my aunt Marge... Rest in peace. Friend: I'm so sorry for your loss. Me: Oh, she's not dead, she's just really lazy.
@BarryVonAwesome: The Hurricane came through here like a tornado -Lady on the News just now I don't want to live on this planet anymore