@FaisalAdam_: This, being a gentleman thing really works. Women just fall for me when I offer them my handkerchief. Sure it's dabbed in chloroform...
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@OneFunnyMummy: I don't homeschool my kids cause the only historic battle I know is the one between Biggie and Tupac.
@shkeeber: "Knock knock" Who's there? "Russia" Russia who? "Get out of the house. I live here now."
@brianbowman73: Saw someone simultaneously walking while writing on a pad of paper. I yelled at them to text and drive like a normal person.