@BringDaNoyz: ME: I shot a man in Reno-- YOU: Just to watch him die? haha ME: I'm a desert photographer, Russell, you know this.

@Rlpihl: I'm not Madagascar, I'm just disappointedgascar

@AnkCoupleTO: KFC Team Member: Anything else? Me: More gravy please, I'll say when [several hours later] KFC TM: WE'RE GONNA DROWN M: I didn't say when

@ojedge: Siri, fight Alexa.

@darrinfb: Ok America. You've made us chuckle with this whole Trump 2016 thing. But if we see Kanye 2020 happen... No. More. SYRUP. Love, Canada