@mattgallo123: This cashier just held my five dollar bill up to the light in case you're wondering how I do with first impressions.
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@MeetYourDaddy: Forget waterboarding. You want confessions? Lock the guy in a room with a laptop, a Twitter account and a bottle of whiskey.
@SCbchbum: Teens don't know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.
@CauseWereDads: "Dad, lil bro pooped on the floor!"nMe: Ok, just like we practiced. I'll hide in garage, you go tell Mommy. This convo never happened! GO!