@doublewenis: This cashier was totally just checking me out, you guys.
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@StinkyGr33n: *Creating bees* God: Make them highly beneficial to the ecosystem. Angel: Sure thing, boss. God: Give 'em the greatest knees of all time
@jake_likes_naps: [astronaut test] Before you begin, questions? [hand raised] "Is it true the moon is cheese?" Are you that damn mouse again? [mouse runs out]
@better_off_dad: Breaking: According to a study just released by the Vatican, 4 out of 5 nuns find sewing to be habit forming. I'm not even sorry...
@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.