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@daemonic3: This cat poop tastes like I'm about to get yelled at.
@T_N_Crumpets: Me: your dress is too revealing
Wife: wear your own clothes then
@trevso_electric: turns out the 'kkk' are not just a group of guys who are very agreeable in their text messages :(
@TheSepticHermit: Tried belly dancing but ended up looking like an insect about to die.
@Swishergirl24: My favorite part about family dinner is when my brother says how he made 600K last year and I get to say someone made a clock of my Avi.
@panmidwest: [world series game 1]
Wife: where are our seats?
Wife: there are people there
Hamlet: or not 2b