@DiabeetusNurse: This chic on Facebook said she ran 17 miles yesterday. Where I live the police would have gave up after like, IDK, 6 miles maybe.
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@Bandersnaaatch: On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I've eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage.
@bingowings14: My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it.
@skylerhanrath: If you want a medical degree, they're literally hanging on doctor's walls. Grab one.