@slimmy_shady: This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister
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@adamallday: About to finish my second book of the day! And when I say book, I really mean magazine. And when I say magazine, I really mean pizza.
@sunexplode: Act happy in the supermarket checkout line to contradict the sad story unfolding on the conveyor belt.
@madcaplaughs30: The first guy to skip a rock was probably all sad and just trying to toss the rock in the pond and was like "well, can't even do that right"