@slimmy_shady: This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister
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@KarateDonuts: After 3 days, the dryer should just eject all the shit you left in there so you're forced to stop using it as another drawer.
@rachel2manypaws: The toughest part of any long distance relationship is the 6 hour drive to slash their tires.
@sarahkendzior: Found newspaper from day my son was born. Originally saved so he could see news of that day. Now saving so he can see what a newspaper was.
@TheIronSherk: The best part of a handshake is the knuckles. I dunno why, but the blender just brings out their richness and flavour