@ventivodkacran: This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
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@KimmyMonte: *sees my husband cry as he holds our newborn son for the 1st time* wtf did that baby just say to you?
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it probably can't pay its student loans.
@tehaveragejoel: make your life more efficient by cutting out the middle man. quit your job. kill your friends. throw your food directly into the toilet.
@Boleyngirly: I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.