@GrantTanaka: this cop wants me to walk the line, does he mean the wavy one or the blurry one
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@daemonic3: *gets down on one knee* Wow, you really suck. Why can't you be more like the other knee?
@GeorgeBray: Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. We launch a bird into pigs.
@Brampersandon_: [Cute Girl]: *in hot tub* Hey baby. Why don't you come join me? [Lobster]: No I'm good over here. That's how my dad died.
@maisonshouting: MY CAT (checking her watch urgently): 3:30am? oh heavens I was almost late for parkouring loudly about the house