@delusions_of: This could be the expired methamphetamines talking but yeah, I'd love to babysit your kids.
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@senorwinces: If you watch Intervention backwards, it's about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
@KimmyMonte: [walks into aquarium] me: hi can I just use your bathroom? employee: sorry it's for patrons only me: ok fine I'll take four sharks
@Freudianscript: I'll never be accused of talking behind someone's back, because that would involve talking to people.