@Ilovelamp1979: This could be the LSD talking, but I'm pretty sure I'd be more comfortable riding on the roof of the car.
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@iamlaurenp: Obama: Who were you talking to before he came here for the meeting? Biden: Young Metro. Obama: Why did you call- Biden: Shhh. I got this.
@mompsychologist: 5yo after licking my face: "Sorry. My mouth meant to kiss you but my brain told me to lick you."
@JennyPentland: "When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?" Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.
@blade_funner: Friend:*terrified* don't make a sound and maybe the killer won't find us Me: *quietly tries to tighten velcro sneakers*