@joerogan: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.
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@WhosTheresa: I could've had a kid with a heroin addiction but Noooo. Instead my kid wants to join a Christian rock band.
@CatherineLMK: "Damnit!" -a burglar, discovering yet another drawer filled with dead batteries, take-out menus, and pen caps.
@PaperWash: Remember kids, those light up sneakers won't seem so cool when wolves are chasing you through the woods at night.
@myles_morrison: Sometimes I miss my real friends and then I think, screw them, they don't even star my tweets.