@joerogan: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.
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@daemonic3: [at Waldo's trial] Judge: Jury, how do you find the defendant? Jury: We the jury find the defendant by looking in the top left of the page
@p_net: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea. I pretty much just zone out whenever I'm behind the wheel. Did anyone die?
@thatUPSdude: If you're buying your pregnancy test at the dollar store it's probably because he bought is his condoms there too.