@joerogan: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.
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@murrman5: [having daughter's new boyfriend (who I think is a caveman) over for dinner] so dave, how is work? *lights candle and watches his reaction*
@hurlarious: I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I'm on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I'm famous
@StarWarsProblms: Vader: I'll teach you the Death Star's power Leia: By blowing up my planet? Vader: By showing you a PowerPoint presentation Leia: NOOO!!!