@rpbateman: This coworker is in a really good mood this morning, so I hacked his Facebook account and wrote "sexy" on all of his wife's friends' pics.
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@andyerikson: Give a man a baby, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to baby, and i think this saying only works for fish actually.
@holymolynicole: My ex didn't realize 'cheat day' only meant he could eat whatever FOOD he wanted.
@TheToddWilliams: [Hall of Justice] BATMAN: What a day...I just saved Gotham SUPERMAN: For sure...I just saved the planet AQUAMAN: I hear ya...I just got tangled up in some brine shrimp