@rpbateman: This coworker is in a really good mood this morning, so I hacked his Facebook account and wrote "sexy" on all of his wife's friends' pics.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
@kodeeezzzy: Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn't predator an alien too? They should've just called it "Some Aliens"
@NinjaSweatpants: Watching cooking shows makes you realize how much forehead sweat is possibly in your food