@claire_mudie: This crime scene tape strung between two lampposts is NOT the finish line & these policemen are NOT cheering me on to a glorious victory :(
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@tonsmorecowbell: My spirit animal is a dolphin because I use sonar to make sure I'm peeing in the toilet every night.
@DaveWeasel: If your new boyfriend carved your initials into a tree on your first date, let the fact he brought a knife be a sign of things to come.
@sammyrhodes: 1. Ask for something. 2. Throw it down. 3. Repeat steps 1 & 2. - Toddler To Do List