@SqueakyFreckles: This crunchy cat food tastes a lot like I just poured from the wrong packet into my cereal bowl.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse.
@GavinProbably: Facebook- You: Going to a concert tonight! Friend: Sweet, what concert? Aunt: WHAT IS ITUNEZ?????? HOW IS YOUR DAD????? I LOVE YOU XOXOXO
@TheMichaelRock: Me: We need to hire smarter people. HR: Why? Me: Is there someone smarter I can talk to about this? HR...