@SqueakyFreckles: This crunchy cat food tastes a lot like I just poured from the wrong packet into my cereal bowl.
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@_sinistroll: WIFE: He makes everything into a wood pun ME: This couch has such great lumber support WIFE: See?? THERAPIST: Try to stop ME: Oakey dokey
@Canadian_Cutie_: I had to use a rotary phone to try to get concert tickets so don't you tell me Ticket Master online is taking too long
@DaddyJew: I taught my kid the importance of stop, drop and roll at an early age. Now he never blocks my view of the television.