@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1914. The first WWI trenches were dug if you don't count the one my grandfather was already hiding from the officers in
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@IRLPepperMD: "This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!" "But I can't-" "Now!" *t-rex panics*
@DaddyJew: [on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?
@KatieBurnett: Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate