@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1914. The first WWI trenches were dug if you don't count the one my grandfather was already hiding from the officers in
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@Jandalize: Imagine a giraffe. Now imagine the giraffe trying to get on a pool float. Now put my face on the giraffe. That's about right.
@Reverend_Scott: Don't bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.
@stephenjmolloy: HR: "You've put Kurt Russell down as an emergency contact." Me: "Yeah, I'd like to meet him before I die. Dude is a legend."
@RandiLawson: "Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt!" "DOCTOR PLEASE SHE IS CODING! NOW IS NOT THE TIME!"