@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1924. Franz Kafka died after a surrealistically charged life which should have its own adjective. Kafkastic? Kafkable?
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@shadygrenade: *Pizza Hut job interview* "Do you own a shitty car and smoke pot?" No sir. "You will."
@AnkCoupleTO: Her: Thank goodness you brought home a bottle of Drano, but how did you know we had a clogged drain? Me: *chugging the entire bottle* what?
@novicefather: You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Also a rotting corpse will work. Or poop. Lots of ways to attract flies.