@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 2001. Holland legalized assisted suicide for those with terminal illnesses or "It's a Small World" stuck in their head.
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@Jandalize: Saw a teen couple buying condoms in the pharmacy so I let my grandbaby run around their feet & whispered 'that's the brand my daughter used'
@gerryhallcomedy: There's no such thing as "elevator etiquette" buddy. Just enjoy your back scratch.
@murrman5: "911" you gotta help, my wife is in labour in the backseat "how far apart are the contractions?" about 2 miles but I'm driving pretty fast
@Reverend_Scott: [Starbucks] Excuse me, this isn't what I ordered. "You ordered a Grande." Yes, but this is Ariana Grande. "Sir, please just take her."