@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 2001. Holland legalized assisted suicide for those with terminal illnesses or "It's a Small World" stuck in their head.
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@Dishy2101: Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
@pharmasean: If youre giving mouth-to-mouth, and you don’t want to get germs, you can put a harmonica between your lips and the victim’s
@DaddyJew: If you had a choice between owning a dragon or world peace, what would you name your dragon?
@Elizasoul80: [slashing food truck tires] friend: wtf are you doing?! [running away with arms filled with tacos] YOU COMIN OR NOT?!