@RuthanneReid: This did not end as expected.
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@momopface: WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You're an adult" every few minutes.
@carlyken: [bank robbery] OK EVERYBODY GET DOWN! [dave starts doing the electric slide] Damn it Dave, not you, go grab the money
@shutupmikeginn: Me: your freezer went out I had to eat all the ice cream sandwiches Friend: it looks like someone kicked the outlet back into the drywall
@baycontaco: I've started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and "accidentally" dropping my recipe for bacon tacos.