@thejakeshenry: This dishwasher sucks. It's already ruined three of my paper plates.
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@007Rex_Inc: Niece: I like math M: 5 X 1? N: 5 M: *takes out phone* right N:You're using your phone? M: I got a text N: I didnt hear a sound *runs away*
@crushingbort: Some dude just ran into Starbucks, grabbed coconut water yelling "white people milk" and left. Went outside, coconut water all over street
@BobTheSuit: Realtor: Why r u moving? Me: I've been eating w my hands for 2 months because the sideways spatula won't let me open my silverware drawer.