@thejakeshenry: This dishwasher sucks. It's already ruined three of my paper plates.
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@HollyMemphis: Praying mantis walks up to his buddies with no head, "Guess who got laid last night?"
@aaronpaul_8: Joe: Yes, that was me. Obama: Please stop. Joe: I will not stop. This room will smell so bad when he gets here. Obama: Joe... Joe: Nope.
@DanMentos: "Dave just showed up" Dave the fireman or Dave who always uses inappropriate abbreviations? *Dave barges in* HEY GUYS I'M DTF "Yeah I dunno"