@thejakeshenry: This dishwasher sucks. It's already ruined three of my paper plates.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [job interview] "Under skill it says nicknames?" "You know it Sex Dragon." "Sex Dragon wants to know when you can start?"
@MissNaughty1801: 8y:thank you for the present grandma ....: no need.. 8y: that's what I thought too but mum said I have to
@NoTheOtherJohn: [lifts $1000 apple watch to my face] Wrist computer: show me where hot dogs are.