@LostCatDog: This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread
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@mjm866: You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog
@weinerdog4life: One of my stuffed animals just told me I should get back on my meds, I guess someone doesn't want to be part of tea party club anymore.
@mejustbeth: Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won't go into a corn maze without a machete.