@LostCatDog: This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread
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@abbycohenwl: [Buzzfeed for Cats] 6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM -Vacuum cleaner -Walls -The floor -Air -Yourself -Nothing. Nothing at all
@WilliamRodgers: This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica.... Long story short....Send bail money...
@mompsychologist: 5yo after licking my face: "Sorry. My mouth meant to kiss you but my brain told me to lick you."