@LostCatDog: This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RawspberryJamb: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's yours" - Inventors of boomerangs
@funnybeachgirl: Just blew pot smoke on the huge spider hiding in my shower. I figure if I do this a few more times, he'll be too stoned to attack me.
@Dawn_M_: Do you remember that creepy girl who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
@SteveSuckington: [talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello