@zgbetty: This donut scented car air freshener is going to pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
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@LackOfShame: I'm no blood spatter expert, but by the look of this bathroom floor, you're pulling your tampons out way too fast.
@RapeyRaperton: When a man tries to hug me hello or goodbye I whisper in his ear "tip to tip" and sigh as we embrace to ensure we never do it again.
@CroweJam: Named my hamster Spam so when he dies I can bury him in a little tin coffin with his name on it.