@seriouslymanish: This dude is using a pay phone , I guess someone got kidnapped
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@Marcmywords2: Pick a number, now add 7, divide by 4, write it down. Now get an apple, name it, show it a picture of your cat. Now go to bed,you're drunk.
@BackrowSeats: The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
@RealSugarFree: In a misguided attempt to become a superhero I let a spider bite me. My super power became crying louder than a newborn.