@NurseMurderer: This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
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@lucascomedian: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.
@Molly_Kats: If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom
@AristotlesNZ: Wife: Who let the boys out? Me: Woof woof woof! Her: Who let the boys out?! Me: Woof woof woof! Her: KIDS ARE IN THE STREET! Me: I'm going..
@HomeProbably: I hate it when I'm by the window and make eye contact with someone outside, so I understand why this lady is shocked to see me up a tree.