@NurseMurderer: This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
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@abbycohenwl: [chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome
@AnnaKendrick47: The saddest thing about the digital age is the next generation won't have that "nudie mag they found in the woods" experience. #culture
@moooooog35: You know the person in exercise videos that's doing the easy version of everything? I'm the guy behind that person eating chips.