@NurseMurderer: This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
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@AbbyHasIssues: Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
@daplusk: Parenting tip: see if your child has learnt to swear by turning the wifi off while they're gaming online
@BuckyIsotope: “My god, it’s the zombie apocalypse. Everyone grab the most critical items and get ready to run” *me holding a Shrek 2 DVD* Way ahead of you
@ieatanddrink: I like telling car salesmen "Listen, we both know I'm not here to buy a car" and trying to figure out what it is they think I'm there to do