@pixelatedboat: This Easter, please take a moment to remember Jesus and his inspiring message for mankind:
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@realHamOnWry: Twitter is considering a 10,000-character limit for tweets. Well, there goes the neighborhood.
@DamienFahey: Congratulations, Americans who write "Cheers" at the end of e-mails. You've found something even more pretentious than "Sent from my iPhone"
@BoozeWallet: [pretending to talk on phone while mugger approaches] yeah, so then they told me that my Karate is just too deadly for the Olympics
@CroweJam: I'll believe corporations are people when conservatives ban them from marrying each other.