@pixelatedboat: This Easter, please take a moment to remember Jesus and his inspiring message for mankind:
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@Mr_Kapowski: Even if you're single, always blame a declined credit card on your fictional spouse at the register.
@TheWeirdWorld: What if dogs are way smarter than we think and they just play dumb so they don’t have to work and pay taxes.
@LolaLuvsLollies: I'm sorry I said "sorry about your eyebrows" when you showed me your wedding photos