@ktmcburr: This entire pizza told me thigh gaps are for queers.
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@BoogTweets: Me: *Buys nutribullet* will this baby take down a vegan? Cashier: No, it's not an actual bu… Me: *loads nutrigun* Cashier: What the heck?
@dragonsorbet: [Confession] "I killed a man" "Wait what" "Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?"
@eyeswidebutt: me: SHOW ME WHERE IT SAYS `NO CATS ALLOWED' thats not a cat its a king cobra & it just went into the ballpit me: Bitey loves kids doe