@ktmcburr: This entire pizza told me thigh gaps are for queers.
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@batkaren: [orchestra] VIOLIN 1: *pssst* Can I ask you a dumb question? VIOLIN 2: Um, okay. V1: What's up w/the guy in front waving his arms around?
@WritePlay: *I gently remove an eyelash from her cheek* "Make a wish," I say. *I am crushed by a T-Rex wearing a saddle seconds later*
@david8hughes: "Have u seen my cat?" "I saw a cat down the road?" "Really? [shows me a picture] was it this cat?" "No, the one I saw was dead."
@Scott_A_Gilmore: 'Kyrgyzstan' is what happens when you've already named all the other countries and you have left over letters.