@ktmcburr: This entire pizza told me thigh gaps are for queers.
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@jeff_ratfamily: A ladies magazine told me to compliment my wifes booty. So I told her I was glad it wasn't hairy. I need a place to stay
@JasonLastname: Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel
@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@devc0ol: Green tea reduces weight* *Only if you go and pick the leaves from the mountains yourself.