@QwertyJones3: This florist doesn't even know anything about floors, and he's acting like I'm the stupid one!
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@SteveSuckington: [quietly opens a beer] Funeral Director: seriously?! Me: oh sorry [reaches into cooler and hands him one]
@AndyAsAdjective: [spelling bee] your word is 'hors d'oeuvre' "can you use it in a sentence?" yes…'I bet this kid can't spell hors d'oeuvre'
@pleatedjeans: Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime? Girlfriend: honey he can't even commit to this relationship Entire jury: OH SNAP