@corinnemlwsw: This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
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@dafloydsta: WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff ME: Okay [later] WIFE: What the hell? [dog walks by in a tuxedo] ME: He's getting married, Karen
@SequelsWeWant: Pet Cemetery 3: People get tired of resurrecting pets and relatives. Somebody buries dinosaur bones. Jurassic Park ensues.
@SardonicTart: "Act your age!" I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt.