@omgthatspunny: This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
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@MarlonBrandNO: [DATE] ME: I'm a literature buff HER: who do you read? ME: read? *cut to me bench pressing like 70 copies of The Great Gatsby*
@jergarl: Me: IT'S TIME TO SETTLE DOWN FOR THE NIGHT 8yo:*starts playing accordion M: Where did you even get that? 8:*making eye contact* No idea.
@cool_as_heck: OBAMA: your resume says you think of the "best nicknames?" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit