@seriouslyemily: This girls skirt is so short I can see how many times her dad missed a dance recital from here.
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@KentWGraham: I’m glad humans don’t do the combo breed names like Labradoodle. I wouldn't want to tell people I’m Germish.
@mandysparklerxo: You'll never say "wrong hole" more often than when you're trying to help a toddler put on gloves.
@jakob_huber: "What's your greatest strength?" Shadow puppetry "Seriously?" [interviewer presses intercom button] "Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"
@WeissBrandon: Me: I'm going bungee jumping Mom: y? Me: my friend John is Mom: so if John jumped off of a bridge, would you? Me: that's what I just told u