@seriouslyemily: This girls skirt is so short I can see how many times her dad missed a dance recital from here.
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@Swishergirl24: Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about idiot teenagers who don't know the difference between sleeping and dead
@Jtweeters: If you love someone, set them free. If they return... something, something, Justin Bieber's a lesbian.
@NotthatAdamWest: Carol from Facebook said she's "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That's how days work."
@Sean_Burgundy_: People usually stop coming over to your house when you greet them with "Make yourself at home, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T OPEN THE FREEZER."