@passion8turk: This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.
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@colonel_trilL: Soldier Dying on Omaha Beach. "dont forget to tell my wife i love her... and...and...honor me every year with a .....mattress sale."
@Underchilde: My parents are in town and said they’d be at my house in ten minutes, and I’m wondering if that’s enough time to build a moat.
@antsimpson: "Look we LOVE the script for 'Murder Bees', just change the name to 'My Girl' and you've got yourself a movie!!"
@StellaGMaddox: I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake.