@passion8turk: This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.
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@man_spach: [on a test drive] Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants! Dealer: This car doesn't have heated seats. Me: Does it have napkins?
@SassyChantelle: Everybody always says say "No!" to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late
@figgled: TO MY SECRET ADMIRER: thank u for the flowers!! You accidentally had them sent next door & the card says 'Penelope' but it's ok I love them😍