@passion8turk: This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.
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@McSwtrvst: [True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile] awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds
@brendohare: Every night someone breaks into my house & dresses me for the next day. I guess I'd be more upset if it wasn't saving me time in the morning
@coryrichardson_: CEO: where do you see yourself in 5 years me: hopefully in your chair [5 years later] me: *in the CEO's chair* CEO: *calling security* there's a homeless man in my chair