@passion8turk: This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.
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@vineyille: Office fun: replace your coworker's mouse with a larger mouse so he thinks his hands are shrinking then call him "baby hands" until he quits
@Manda_like_wine: Eternal damnation for the sorry acquaintance who cons you into watching his favorite film and keeps looking to see if you're reacting.
@dafloydsta: [getting mugged] ME: *leans in for a kiss* MUGGER: *slowly backs away* ME: haha this is so us