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@passion8turk: This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.
@ChiefTwittler: Relationship Status: changing locks
@brendanmcginley: Cleveland checks its makeup in the mirror, promises itself this time with LeBron won't be like before.
@Playing_Dad: [At vet]
Me: My dog has been throwing up what looks like egg shells.
Vet: What have you been feeding him?
Me: Egg shells.
@MrEd_EVH: Me - I'm not in the mood to work today
My bank account - you better GET in the mood
@SanamTheLamb: Female without the vowels is 'FML'.
Need I say more?