@RickAaron: This grocery store is playing "Freebird" which I interpret as an invitation to shoplift a turkey.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RidiculousSheri: My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I'm the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food.
@slimmy_shady: This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister
@slimmy_shady: When I have a daughter I'm naming her Leroy. No guy will ever say "Yo bro I hooked up with Leroy last night" how would that sound?