@DurtMcHurtt: This guy in my living room must think I'm an idiot, he says he picked my lock but I distinctly remember choosing it at the store by myself.
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@sammyrhodes: Learned from my 2yr old tonight that Jesus doesn't like bananas. No word on cauliflower yet but pretty sure he's not a fan.
@sofarrsogud: ZOO BOSS: You're fired! ME: Is it because I cross bred a dog with a zebra and called it a Debra, after my wife? BOSS: Yes. Yes it is.
@neonwario: I excuse myself to the washroom before I order You walk in and see me, leaning towards the mirror repeating "I'll have the hamburger please"