@amishschool: This guy in my office is a little paranoid and it's making it that much harder to poison him.
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@AlisonAgosti: If Jesus died for our sins then why are there so many popups when i try to watch a movie online illegally
@sixfootcandy: [at the airport] Customs: Do you have any drugs in your bag, Ma'am? Me: Sure. What can I get you?
@noog: I wish I had a little robot companion that put his arm out and shook his head at people who tried to talk to me before lunch.
@maughammom: If you've had a lightsaber pointed at you while you were on the toilet you may be a parent ...or your life is way more interesting than mine