@Dawn_M_: This guy is choking on the last hotdog I wanted so I'm just going to let him die.
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@liv_thatsme: Me: Will I be happy in 2017? (peers into crystal ball) Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN Psychic: I don't know; I've never seen one explode before
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The Teen Choice Awards air tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren't allowed to vote.
@thejessbess: (interviewer): do you have any questions? (me): ya can a werewolf bite really kill a vampire?
@holypurgatory: Step 1: Buy a 3D printer. Step 2: Print a 3D printer. Step 3: Return the 3D printer.