@Dawn_M_: This guy is choking on the last hotdog I wanted so I'm just going to let him die.
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@murrman5: why does mommy cry when she cuts onions? "she feels guilty cuz she stole them. see *lifts son onto lap* your mother likes to steal onions"
@3sunzzz: Therapist: Are you a man or a mouse? Mickey: Quite frankly, I was hoping you could tell me.
@TheMichaelRock: Me *wakes up from nap* Wife: what are you doing up? Me: was I not supposed to wake up? Wife[nervous laugh] what?