@Dawn_M_: This guy is choking on the last hotdog I wanted so I'm just going to let him die.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: Summer plans? Me: Hell yeah. Rock shows galore CW: Def Leppard, Guns N Roses? Me: *thinks to amethysts and pyrite on brochure* Yea
@BradBroaddus: Got in a fight with the wife so I didn't let her sleep on the couch with me last night.
@JohnLyonTweets: *walks into alma mater carrying English degree* I'd like a refund, please. This did not work as promised.