@Dawn_M_: This guy is choking on the last hotdog I wanted so I'm just going to let him die.
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@SEvans_author: Boss: I'm sorry but you're fired Me: But I've poured my blood, sweat, & tears into my work! Boss: Exactly. Cupcake sales are down 75%
@rickolantern: My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks
@deardilettante: Part of being a woman means you can break your leg or be having a cardiac arrest & a nurse will still ask when your last period was.